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Are you planning to break up with someone, but it’s not the “best” time? Did your soon-to-be ex just get a new job, is it his or her 40th birthday, or are you just about to celebrate your 10th anniversary together? Whatever the case, you are feeling guilty and realize the time is bad.

Some breakups are truly necessary and the process is never easy. Any breakup is difficult because one person does not want to hurt the other, and you are struggling to find the right words to use when you confront your partner.

With luck, this will not be something you have to endure, but if you do…do it with care.

People expect to be really happy during the uplifting events in their lives and you just know you will crush their personal high with a breakup. It is not always smart to stay together just because “it’s not the right time to break up,” since you will be putting on a mask and faking feelings for your partner. This might only lead to anger and resentment if you bottle it all up. No one wants to feel dishonest, so it is probably a good idea to get through the hard time sooner than later. You will want to break up peacefully, and there are many ways you can do this without it turning into a howling match.

Here is how you can break up gracefully and move on.

• Mention to your partner ahead of time that there is something important you want to talk about. This will cause them to wonder and worry, but it also gives them time to prepare.
• Put aside some genuine time and go to a quiet place without distractions or many people around. Being secluded might make it easier on your partner if there are emotions and tears involved. Give your partner some respect and take them somewhere comfortable. A park or waterfront bench would be a good suggestion.
• Avoid allowing blame into the discussion. Blame will only cause things to turn ugly. Explain your reasons for breaking up and stick to your needs, instead of telling them how they failed.
• Make sure you mention positive times in the relationship and tell them what you appreciate about them. Tell them they have given you a lot and you have learned from your relationship.
• Mention times when you have failed and haven’t met their needs. Tell them that you feel you need to work on a lot of things of your own.
• Listen to your partner and everything they need to say or get off their chest. There might be anger, tears, frustration and various other emotions. Keep your reaction to a minimum and let them have the floor.
• Remind yourself that you’re not going to be able to make everything OK in just one discussion. Your partner will need time to digest what you have said and what is happening. Let your partner know you are open to more discussions after this one and try to be a friend.
• Remember that you won’t be able to control how the other person will react. They might walk away, they might yell or they might bring up all your faults. Be prepared yourself. You have known your partner’s moods over time, so keep in mind how they might react.
• If you have been together for a long time, trusted each other or even have children between you, it will take a lot of talking and organizing to get through it. Let your partner know you will be free to talk and available to discuss how you will manage things.

With luck, this will not be something you have to endure, but if you do…do it with care. By using common sense, compassion and respect, you can end things as well as possible with your partner and begin a fresh start.

Struggling with feelings of guilt, loss or loneliness? Speak with an AskNow psychic advisor specializing in love and relationships.