1-800-2-ASK-NOW
1-800-227-5669

Most of us equate the value of a relationship with the number of years it has lasted. This isn’t always true. While it’s wonderful to claim a friendship that’s been around for 20 years, the more important question is, “What are you really contributing to and receiving from it?” It’s not about being right or wrong. It’s about understanding that life’s path takes twists and turns and not everyone can or wants to come along for the ride.

As you recognize some of these signs, you may become more aware of hurt feelings, resentment or disappointment.

This doesn’t mean you or your friend are “bad” if the relationship fades away. It only means that you’re not standing in the same place you once were. When we get caught up in what something means rather than how we feel about it, we get trapped in situations we don’t want to be in and have experiences that are unpleasant.

Here are some road markers to help you see the inevitable end of a friendship.

You have a physical reaction. When the phone rings and the caller ID shows it’s your friend, you have a palpable response—your throat tightens, your head hurts, your stomach growls. This is your body’s way of telling you that you need to look at why you are still participating in this relationship.

You make commitments then break them. During a conversation, you allow yourself to make a promise to do something. But when the time comes to do it, you find you can’t force yourself, so you end up breaking your word and feeling bad about yourself. Those of us with the people-pleasing gene can find ourselves in this situation, but when it’s happening repeatedly with the same person, it’s time to examine why.

You make excuses. If you’re lying, there’s a good chance this friendship needs to be re-evaluated. Sure, we all occasionally tell the little white lie, but if you’re consistently fibbing, be honest with yourself about why you’re doing it.

You snap easily. If your partner or other friends question your relationship with this person and you get flustered or snippy, be willing to see your reaction is not about how your friend is a pain or a drain—it’s about you not respecting yourself.

You feel you’re being judged. When you feel uptight or judged being around a certain friend…that’s a bad sign. In a real, honest friendship, you should feel safe and secure enough to be yourself—not defensive or worried that you're being silently criticized. The only way to rectify this is to admit how you’re really feeling and sit with it, no matter how unpleasant it may feel.

You’re primarily motivated by guilt. If the only reason you’re seeing this friend, doing things for this friend or talking to this friend is because you’d feel guilty if you didn’t, that’s a huge sign that you need to begin stepping away. No choice motivated by guilt will ever lead to anything positive.

As you recognize some of these signs, you may become more aware of hurt feelings, resentment or disappointment. Don’t let the negativity build. It will only force a conflict that is stressful and has the potential to turn ugly. Instead, ask yourself if you’ve grown apart and if so, allow a natural separation to occur without the drama.

If your friend won’t let go, have a conversation. Tell him or her that you’re in different places and that for right now, you need to spend some time apart. You can assure that nothing is forever and that at some point, if it’s right for both of you, you can come back to the friendship stronger and wiser. It may not be easy, but being honest with yourself while demonstrating kindness and compassion to your friend will allow the friendship to take its natural course, which will be best for both of you.

Breaking up is hard to do, whether it’s with a friend or lover. Trust that you can count on caring advice from an AskNow psychic advisor.